A New Twist in the Storyline

Spring quarter started off well. Did a dry-run commute to my new campus the week before classes began. Found the building. Purchased the books. Even caught up on a hundred loads of laundry. I was tired of leisure after spring break (if that's even possible) and ready to get started on what is going to be a very challenging term. I'm taking both Anatomy & Physiology I & II in a combined, ten-credit class which is only offered at another school, and the reason that I will be a commuter for the next 12 weeks. The only other class I'm in is an online Psych 200. I figured I'd burn my last "easy class" this quarter in order to give me the best chance of success in A&P.

So...prepared? Yep.

Like the teacher? Yes. (Awesome!)

Working my butt off? You bet. But seeing great results so far and feeling ahead of the game going into our 2nd week of class. I even decided to sing in the big Easter choir performance at church, even though rehearsals were going to take a bit of time.

So far so good. (If a sound-track were playing, ominous strings would begin now...)

Then yesterday I woke up moaning and writhing in agony and spent the day in the ER. (Not working on the paper that was due, or reading the 4 chapters I need to, or studying for the first big exam next week...or doing my taxes.)

So this quarter's surprise plot twist is...kidney stones!

Lovely.

On my left (and the reason for yesterday's little side-trip) is a whopping 4 x 6 mm stone which passed from my kidney to prepare for it's painful journey out of my body. And on my right, another similar stone is just hanging out in the kidney and could make itself known at any future point in time.

I actually did a little amateur diagnosing yesterday morning between groans -- seeing as I'm developing a rudimentary working-knowledge of anatomy. Not my stomach. Not my liver. Not the lady parts. Left side. Sudden onset of excruciating pain. And seeing as I am usually running a quart low in a perpetual state of dehydration, I suspected kidney stones. (Especially since mom had 'em too.) I am a terrible drinker. (Of water!)

So the nice doctor told me he had been told by former women patients, that passing kidney stones has been labeled worse than the pain of child birth. To this I smirked -- they must have been sissies, since it's likely their babies arrived in the usual amount of time, in the proper presentation. Not ear-first and face up after 36 hours of labor, like my child. (For which he is still grounded...) Plus, I've had my share of pain since then, which I wouldn't care to revisit, and which already beat my pretty good "horrible birth story." So I scoffed and went over with him the kind of narcotic pain meds I am sadly accustomed to taking at this point in my life. (After showing him my scars...the doc took my word for it.)

So yesterday afternoon I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder thinking -- I'm gonna beat this, no problem. Granted, I may have been more delusional than normal since I was high on Dilaudid.

Have you ever Googled "kidney stones?"

Don't do it...especially when you've got a couple just hanging out in your innards waiting to pounce.

The chip on my shoulder has melted.

They look like 3D throwing stars. Or those jax we used to play with. Something you wouldn't want to step on in the dark with bare feet.

It's just a waiting game now. The doc said it could be days or weeks. With pain that cycles from mild to...yikes!

Morale is low today.

I'm back home guzzling gallons of water. Peeing like a race horse and hoping this thing resolves as quickly as possible. I am like a watched pot that won't boil. I get nervous at any twinge that signals the return of the knife-like pain of yesterday. I am basically gearing up for a battle of unknown duration.

I started laughing hysterically this morning at this set-back. Another one, of many that have hit like little road-side bombs since I started this journey. Some just nuisance firecrackers. Others leaving big craters. That's when it felt like my life is like a reality show, and that the producers must get easily bored with the storyline. I guess the original premise for my "show" isn't enough -- that I left a great job, in the middle of my son's senior year to live off meager savings and pitifully small student loans to retrain into a science-based career, single and at the age of 40.

Nope. Those producers and writers of my plot-line must be gunning for ratings, because since this show started we've had a cancer-scare, weeks of pneumonia, scary financial twists, several car accidents and now the kidney stones. It makes me a little skittish to think of what could possibly happen next to make this series a little more interesting.

I imagine the director of this show saying something like this to me:

"Okay, you're pulling an all-nighter. The third in a row. Yeah...wait! Now try doing it with a rib-breaking cough! Better!"

"Okay, you're driving to school in rush hour traffic. Late for a test...yeah. No, that's boring. Try doing it with ice-picks dragging through your guts....Grrrrrreat!!!"

What will they think of next...?

Stay tuned!