Friday...Glorious Friday

It isn't uncommon for me to feel like I "crash land" into Friday at the end of every week while in nursing school - however this week is more like a meteor plummeting from space. This is because last night marked the first night that I (among a small group of hearty souls) pulled an all-nighter before our exam this morning.

Now I remember why I don't do that anymore.

The grades aren't where I'd like them to be this term. I had anticipated this coming into it because of the heavier class load, however, I'm not thrilled that I was proven right. I don't mind the grades dipping, since I never started out with the idea of being an A student. I want to be a balanced student. However I'm especially displeased that I'm missing points this term simply due to Operator Error! I failed my first exam in my life this term -- which was extremely puzzling since I knew I had prepared at LEAST enough to PASS. Well in the post-mortem, it turns out I marked an answer on the answer sheet on the wrong line, and that made the subsequent five (correct) answers, also wrong! Doh! I don't mind missing points for answers I had no clue about, but it does chap my hide to miss them because I didn't bother to go back and check that I'd filled them out correctly!

Still, the poor grade is a black mark on this term's grade-book for me, and is in part why I decided to cram all night for today's exam, on which I did admirably - but still not up to my usual standard.

I think I've just identified the theme for this term: Not Up To My Usual Standard.

How very underwhelming.

We are two weeks away from finishing term 3 and yes, that theme just about sums it up. As promised, the term was incredibly hard academically (and the beatings are far from over). I found myself hitting new lows in every area: emotionally, academically, endurance, nutrition, exercise...and personal hygiene.

An older gentleman stopped me as I was leaving my favorite diner/study spot this weekend, put his hand on my arm and said, "good luck in nursing school -- it's the hardest thing you'll ever do." (I was wearing my school sweatshirt.) I said, "You a nurse?" He smiled and said yes. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and cry, but instead I gave him a wobbly smile and said, "It IS hard, in fact...it's kicking my ass!" And we both laughed.

It has been kicking my ass, I'm not going to lie.

And in the middle of the "fog of war" -- I'm amazed at the things that can occupy my mind and interrupt my thoughts. All of them seem oriented around the bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. The following list are random thoughts I have had during lectures about gangrene, osteoporosis, amputations, etc:

[I am estimating I will fall a few points in terms of your respect for me now...]

"I wonder when I last washed my hair?" 

"Did I wear these clothes yesterday?"

"When did I last eat?"

"I wonder if I have any money."

"I wonder if the cafeteria has pie."


"Mmm...I put clean sheets on my bed. Man, I want to be in my bed right now." {I actually yearn for my bed like a lover on most days.}


"How can I write this Care Map and still watch Idol tonight?"


"Did I go pee yet?"


"OMG -- am I out of BUTTER? How can I make popcorn and study all night without BUTTER?!"

Yes -- lofty thoughts, those. Oh sure, other stuff breaks through now and then. Things like world peace and the fallen state of man, n' such. But don't be surprised if you call me one day and say...what about those elections? And I say...what elections?

It's that bad.