T-Boned

There’s that time in any action movie when things are going along nicely for our characters and then, in slow motion, a car crashes in on them from the side. Classic T-bone. Nursing school is hard enough without your personal life exploding in your face like mine did this fall.

Before my crisis happened I had seen examples of them in the lives of other nursing students around me. I had shaken my head, wondering how they were pulling through a tough program despite the challenges they faced— some just temporary bumps in the road, and others, life changing events. Maybe the unifying theme I’m uncovering is this: nurses are a gritty, determined lot. I think of nursing often in terms of warfare: bombs are going off all around, and there’s this soldier ignoring all of that to bandage a wound and make their patient safe for transport. Maybe the same person who can do that, can take a hit from life and still finish a nursing program.

At least that’s what I’ve observed so far.

Exhibit A: Vomiting up a Lung. It takes days to prepare to write a nursing exam, but of course the day before the exam is usually the most intensive. A friend of mine was missing from our study group that day, so I went looking for her. As I approached her room, the smell of vomit wafted through the hall. Turns out she had thrown up a dozen times that day and was dozing in between spells. No way she’d be able to study for the exam! Of course she could call in sick and the school would allow her to make it up the following week...but there was already an exam scheduled for that week too. Writing 2 exams in one week would be unthinkable. I didn’t see any other way, but clearly she did. She continued to be sick all night. Woke up in the morning. Threw up. Dragged herself to the exam. Passed it. And then ran and threw up some more.

I was astonished.

Exhibit B: That Baseball Knocked The Sense Right Outta You. Another exam, another study buddy came in with an impressive shiner. Into the evening he was falling asleep on his books and admitted he had been feeling nauseous and sleepy since a fastball connected with his eye socket. (Clearly he had a concussion.) The mother in me was alarmed...and I immediately offered to walk him across to the the emergency room and study with him there all night if he would just GO and get LOOKED AT. The tough bastard declined and with brute force he made it to the exam the next day.

I wanted to wring. his. stubborn. neck!

(You may have learned by now that nursing students would rather lose a LIMB than postpone an exam.)

It was my turn this fall when my personal life came crashing down around me. Suddenly I was on a plane home, missing school and our first exam to tend to a crisis. I won’t go into the sordid details because they are private, but I will say this is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Also, it had a ripple effect which followed me back to school and required hours of my attention and mental resources to help keep things on track. I failed the next 3 exams. Going into the final, I was only passing the class by 1 point. People around me and back home were praying along with me that I would somehow pull a high enough grade on the final to pass the course...which I was able to do.

It was a real nail-biter.

The emotional toll was high and I was reminded that there is NO WAY I could be doing this thing alone. Back in the wartime analogy, I felt like I had been shot and was bleeding out on the beach. Instead of letting me perish, my buddies came back at great risk to themselves and dragged me to safety.

God places people strategically around us and I have never believed that more than I do now.

And while I would never invite crisis, it did teach me something. How to ask for help. I have always liked to be the one to rally around someone and be the helper. I’m good in a jam and that’s probably why I am drawn to nursing. I’m not good at having the situation reversed. Being helpless. Powerless. Admitting that to others is so humbling. But letting people you love in, and trusting them to care for you is special too. My relationships are being redefined and reexamined because of what happened. I am thankful for that.

Its such a cliche but now its time to Pay It Forward. I got back to school after break and already there are opportunities to serve others all around me. Its so energizing to take the focus off of myself and do what I can for someone else. I look forward once again to seeing my patients. I miss them during every break.

Going into the new term I have a new theme! Recently, a friend posted a clip from a Rocky movie on Facebook and stated he recognized God in it. Ordinarily I would have cruised right past that but I was intrigued by his claim and had to watch it. I think my friend was right. What do you think?

“The world will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it...Nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. It ain’t about how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. That’s how WINNING is done!”

I was never much for Stallone, but these words hit me right where I live right now.

So its a new term and a new beginning. I have fresh optimism and renewed energy for the fight. Only two more 10-week academic terms, followed by my preceptorship. I see the finish line and that keeps me going.

Who are we kidding? God is carrying me along. He has been the whole time.